BEHIND THE SCORE: Redemption

I’ve spent almost all my life as obese.

In 2017, when I reached my heaviest, I weighed 189kg. That was the most frightening day of my life. It hit me, if I kept moving in that direction, my life wouldn’t last very long.

You might ask, "How do you even become that big?"

For me, it was a combination of things.

There was emotional eating, life was tough, and Ben & Jerry’s was always there with open arms.
There was addiction, I consumed sugar and food the way an addict does.
There was a lack of knowledge, I didn’t know how to care for my body.
And to be completely honest…
My ego loved the comfort.
The cheap dopamine. The predictable cravings. The ease of it all.

But one day, I hit my limit.
I felt something shift, there has to be more to life than this, I thought.
That was the beginning.

In 2017, I started the journey I’ve been on ever since, a journey to reclaim myself.
To regain control over my mind, my body, and my soul.

I started breaking down old habits to make space for the version of me I wanted to become.
By 2025, I’ve reached the leanest I’ve ever been, around 100kg.
I don’t focus on the scale anymore. I focus on doing the right things.

Now, my daily habits start by meeting my body’s needs.
I’ve built a healthy relationship with food. With sugar.
And most importantly, I feel safe.
I feel comfortable in my own skin.
I feel proud.

But there was always a thought in the back of my mind:

"I’m being treated differently because of how I look.. not because of who I am."

And that thought became clearer when I started to “fit the narrative”
when I looked how people wanted me to look.

Suddenly, the looks of disgust disappeared.
Strangers no longer stared with shame.
But what hurt more than strangers... was when I realized that some people close to me only started seeing me for me once I looked how they wanted me to.

I don’t believe it came from malice.
I want to believe it came from concern.
But it made me feel like love came with conditions.

Like I finally “earned” their full attention,
only now.

All these bottled up feelings became Redemption.

This track is me expressing my truth.
Owning the pain.
Naming what caused the suffering.
And making a stand.

I will not be reduced to a shell.

This is my spark.
My reminder that we need to see the human first.
Because at the core, that’s the only thing we all have in common.

And it’s in that love for humanity
that I believe we’ll find peace,
and maybe even harmony.