BEHIND THE SCORE: Architect

About five years ago, I made the decision to start practicing mindfulness, and I decided to give it my all.

I began this practice because I wanted to gain control. Control over how I react. How I respond. How I listen to my emotions.
But for me, that was a steep hill to climb.

It required me to let go of my ego.
To let go of the picture I had of myself.
The picture I held of others.
The picture I had painted of the world.

For a long time, I lived in a spiral
of hate, jealousy, spite, dishonesty, and agony.
At one point, I truly believed: This must be all life has to offer.
I clung to feelings that kept me in my comfort zone, a place that, if I stayed, would’ve eventually ended me.

One day, I became so fed up with carrying that burden.
So tired of dragging my soul behind me.
And I realized, only I have the power to make a difference for myself.

The only way out… is through.

The storm ahead was standing tall.
The wind was strong.
The waves were violent.

But I made the leap.
Even though I feared the storm might kill me,
I knew staying where I was definitely would.

That moment was the beginning of this quest.

When I first entered that storm, it felt like I was sailing a broken ship.

The hull had holes.
Water was pouring in.

I kept pouring water out, trying to stay afloat. But I wasn’t fixing the leaks.
Then one day, I asked myself:

“Why am I only scooping the water, when I could be sealing the cracks?”

That changed everything.

I started focusing on repairing the hull.
Sealing every hole I could find.
Replacing the broken boards.
Making the ship stronger than it ever was before.

And eventually… the water stopped coming in.

For the first time in my life, I wasn’t sinking.
The ship was floating.

This was the first real moment I felt confident.
No longer a victim of the storm,
But a rider of it.

Now I no longer fear the storm.
No matter how big it is.
No matter how hard the wind howls.

Because I’ve built something that no storm can destroy,
A beacon.

A beacon that stands tall.
A light that shines in all directions.
A guide for anyone who needs it.

A light that shows there is a way through.
A way to the shore.
A way home.

My purpose is clear.

I am a guardian of this realm.
I am the architect of a more compassionate world.
And I will leave this place with more love in it than when I arrived.

I believe in us.
And I believe in you.